Never Gone
by ThinE
Summary: Oneshot! Summary:A visit to a resting place brings back a lot of memories. Cos some things are just never gone...


So people. I'm without internet right now, and during these troublesome times I wanted to use my spare time write something. At the beginning I wanted to write a songfic, but as the story progressed... hmmm... turned out different than I have expected. And this was the quickest (and longest) I've written for a chapter ^^

Anyway. Happy reading, I hope you enjoy this! ;)

Again big thanks to **Nerizu** who gave her time in the middle of the night under pressure of publishing to betaread this! *hugs*

**Disclaimer: **La Corda d'Oro belongs to KOEI and Kure Yuki. While the title "Never Gone" comes from a song with the same title by Backstreet Boys =)

* * *

**Never Gone**

I walked along the path of the complex, pushing the stroller with my bundle of joy inside, who was soundly sleeping, while holding a bouquet of pink roses. Those were her favorite flowers. Of my wife's, I meant.

It was a May Sunday morning. Thank God the weather was very nice today, since it has been rainy for the past week. The sun was shining brightly now. Small clouds hung in the sky and a calm fresh wind was blowing from the south. It was as if she had asked the Weather God to be especially nice today, since it was a special day for her, and I would be visiting.

I chuckled at my own ridicule. Frequently hanging around a year-old toddler did increase my imagination. I have been reading too many picture books for Rosa, my daughter. Not that I minded though, after all Rosa was the picture of her.

The complex was still very quiet. _I guess nobody comes at this early hour on Sundays_, I thought.

I continued rolling the stroller until I arrived at her place. It still looked like the last time I paid a visit.

_Tsuchiura Kahoko_, it says on the gravestone. Yes, this was her final resting place, and today was her death anniversary.

She passed away exactly a year ago, after giving birth to our first child. The doctors had said that she had a weak womb. And if she insisted in giving birth, it could cause complications, and her life would be risked. But she insisted in keeping the baby, knowing the consequences, and despite my attempts to change her mind.

* * *

"This baby is the gift God has given us, Ryou. It is a blessing in itself that I'm allowed to carry it," she said with a determined tone as we just arrived home from the hospital for the check-up.

"But Kaho, it will endanger your life!" I debated.

"I don't care," she insisted.

"But I _do_ care!" I practically shouted at her.

I saw her shocked reaction and felt guilty for having raised my voice. I reached my hands out and pulled her into a tight embrace.

"Sorry, Kaho," I said in a whispering tone. "It's just that... It's just that, I don't wanna lose you. I _can't_ lose you."

By then I felt miserable and helpless, noticing that tears were slowly starting to roll down my cheeks. Kahoko noticed it too. She looked up, then raised her hands to cup my cheeks, rubbing the tears away.

"You know I love you more than anyone in this world, right, Ryou?" she asked with a smile.

Her question brought a smile to my face. I grabbed her hand and kissed its knuckles.

"Of course I know. You wouldn't have married me if you didn't," I answered.

She laughed softly, then pulled my hand to the living room. She sat on the sofa and motioned me to sit beside her. I obliged. I wrapped an arm around her shoulders, and she leaned her head on my shoulder.

"I'm very happy, Ryou," she said softly, while looking downwards.

I followed her gaze and saw her caressing her tummy gently. I felt my heart swelling with so much love and pride that I was afraid it would burst. _It is my child growing inside her tummy_, I thought proudly.

But I was also afraid of losing her. When the doctors announced the check-up result, I thought I heard a thunder resounding in my head and my knees went instantly weak. _We're afraid keeping the baby wouldn't be good for your health, Mrs. Tsuchiura. We'd suggest you to abort it soon, now that it's still young_, the head doctor had said.

But upon hearing the doctor's words, she let go of my hand and stood up, only to answer with a determined tone. _No. I will have it_, she had answered. Meanwhile, I was still having a hard time to digest the whole situation and only sat there watching and listening in awe.

"Ryou, what're you thinking about?" Kahoko asked, snapping my thoughts away.

I encircled my free arm around her petite body and leaned my cheek on her head. She was the love of my life. She was like the sun to me, giving me warmth and always shining to guide me through my life.

"I'm confused," I confessed. "I'm obviously very happy and proud that I'm going to be a father but..." I paused. "Thinking that I might lose you in exchange is scaring me like hell."

"I really don't want to imagine living the rest of my life without you, Kaho. Please don't make me..." I added in a desperate tone. I was really getting desperate and scared.

It seemed to me it had not been that long that Kahoko had taken the courage to confess to me. I had always been chasing her away, convinced it was my rival she was in love with, but she came back to me each and every time. And when I heard her confession that day, I simply stood there dumbly, so awestruck that I didn't know what to do nor say. I only realized it was real when she grabbed me for a passionate kiss. I realized it had been me all along.

We went out for almost five years, through our college days and first years of work, until I decided to ask her hand in marriage, which she happily and excitedly accepted.

We got married a year after the engagement, and now it has been almost two years since that happy day.

"Actually... I'm scared too," Kahoko answered my worries in a low tone. She still had her hands on her tummy.

Kahoko looked up to meet my gaze. I saw a mixture of emotions in her eyes. Affection, confusion, pride, fear, but most of all, happiness. Despite her fear, she was actually glowing with so much happiness of being a soon-to-be mother.

"But, Ryou," she continued, smiling now. "I've made up my mind. I'll deliver a beautiful and healthy baby for our sakes. For _your_ sake. I'll do my best to fulfill this duty, Ryou."

I swallowed hard. How could she be so sure? It was her dear life she was risking.

"But the doctors said-" I tried to debate her, but before I could finish my sentence her index finger was already on my lips.

"What the doctors said might be true. But the labor itself is a battle of life and death. Everything can happen," she tried to assure me.

I saw unmovable determination in her eyes and gave in to her persistence. She really was the Hino Kahoko I fell in love with, and the Tsuchiura Kahoko I vowed to love for the rest of my life.

I tightened my embrace on her, and she hugged me back.

"Promise me you'll be alright" I whispered.

She nodded. "I promise."

The first two trimesters of her pregnancy passed by normally. She still went to work, did the house chores, and remained a good and healthy wife to me. Although whenever I was home, I insisted in taking over her duties. It was the least I could do to enlighten her burden. I just couldn't bring myself to see her with growing tummy running around the house.

As she entered her third trimester, her health gradually dropped. She started having fever, nausea, and her blood pressure constantly dropped.

_The complications are starting to show_, the doctor told me. I had brought Kahoko to the emergency station that day after she fainted in the bathroom. She was already in her eighth month of pregnancy at the time.

"Is there any way to prevent, Doctor?" I desperately asked. I already feared for the worst.

The doctor shook his head. "I'm afraid there isn't, Mr. Tsuchiura. This is the risk your wife decided to take and there's nothing else we can do now. I'll only encourage her to continue taking the vitamins I prescribed. And please, she should stay away from any kind of stress."

"Yes. She has started taking her maternity leave a week ago. And her mother is staying with us now to keep her company" I explained, exhausted.

I was really exhausted. And scared. I haven't been able to sleep well the last weeks. I was constantly awakened when she stirred in her sleep, worrying something might happen. Sometimes I even spent hours, watching her in her sleep, caressing her hair and face, rubbing her bulging tummy, listening to the little one kick inside her. I was afraid she might not wake up the next morning.

I didn't know if I was just too scared or being paranoid. I felt it had drained most of my energy, but I didn't care. I just didn't want to lose my Kahoko.

"Ryoutarou-kun, you don't look well," said my mother-in-law once when she saw me coming home from work, exhausted.

"I'm alright, Mother. It's Kaho we have to keep an eye on," I answered.

And then, the feared happened. One morning, her water broke and she fainted. I brought her to the hospital as fast as I could, and stayed at her bedside the whole time holding her hand. She didn't wake up at all until she was delivered to the labor room.

I had insisted in coming inside to stay by her side, but the doctors said it'd be better for me to stay outside and wait. And so I waited impatiently outside the room with my parents and in-laws. My brother and sister joined us later. And so did our friends.

I trembled the whole time I was waiting. I'd never been so scared in my whole life. My mind was a mess. I prayed non-stop for my wife to recover. Her smiling face popped constantly inside my head, and the thought that I might not see that smile again was driving me crazy.

I was pacing ceaselessly when the light above the door went off and the doctor came out. I instantly stormed to him to inquire any news he might have.

"Congratulation, Mr. Tsuchiura. We delivered a healthy baby girl," he said patting my shoulder.

I was overjoyed for a moment. So were the others, who were hugging each other and patting my shoulders. _I'm a father!_ I screamed in my mind.

"As for your wife..." the doctor continued, but hung his words.

The room went suddenly still. My heart almost stopped at the change of tone.

"What about my wife, doctor?" I inquired, grabbing his arms. _How is Kahoko doing? I need to know!_

The doctor shook his head, to everybody's dismay.

"Is... she..." I asked in my shock. My vision was slowly blurring and my head began to spin.

"She still lives, Mr. Tsuchiura. However, she's in coma and very weak. We've done everything we could, but don't know if she'll ever wake up. For now we'll bring her to the ICU. We need you to prepare for the worst..." he explained cautiously.

I slumped to the chair behind me. She might not wake up anymore. _Kaho! My Kahoko! _I screamed her name over and over again in my head while covering my face with my trembling hands. My life was shattered. What would everything mean to me if she wasn't by my side?

I let tears fall freely to my face. I was in despair.

I felt someone sat beside me and squeezed my shoulder to give me courage. _Whoever you are, thank you for your attention. But I can't think now_, I said in my mind. I didn't care that the person didn't hear. I was only thinking of Kahoko.

"Think about your newborn child, Tsuchiura. You have to live for her," said the voice beside me. It was a male one.

I slowly turned my head to the direction of the voice, and saw it was Tsukimori Len. My partner at work, my good friend, my ex-rival. Although still composed, worry was clearly written on his face. He was still squeezing my shoulder in encouragement.

And a sudden hit of realization hit me. _He was right! I'm a father now. I have my child I need to take care of_, I thought.

I forced a smile of gratitude to him, and he nodded in response.

Later, I visited Kahoko in the ICU room. My heart ached at the sight of her. She looked so... weak. She was hanging her life on all the cables, and machines slowly beeping around her.

I sat beside her bed and grabbed her hand with both of mine. It felt so small, so cold, so lifeless. I fought back the tears that were starting to form in my eyes again. I had to be strong for our child's sake.

"Hey, Kaho," I greeted her with cracking voice. "Congratulation in becoming a mother. You did well."

No response. Only the sound of the beeping machines.

"I just saw the baby. She's beautiful, and looks just like you," I continued with a giggle. "You know, I was wondering. When she grows up to be a teenager, I might have to fight the boys off who come for her. I don't know what I'll have to do if she becomes so popular just like you were. I bet she'll have a hard time in picking the right man. Like you did. And before we know it, a man will be asking her hand in marriage."

"But Kaho," my voice dropped. "I'd like to witness all that together with you. Won't you want that too?"

I kissed her knuckles softly, then held her hand to my face.

Suddenly I felt her hand move faintly. I almost jumped in surprise.

"Kaho?" I called her name.

Her eyes slowly opened, but she was still staring blankly.

"Ryou?" I heard her call. It was weak, almost inaudible.

"Hang in there, Kaho. I'll call the doctor!" I said, then pushed the button on the wall to call the doctors.

Some seconds later, the doctor and some nurses rushed in. They immediately started checking her, while I stood in the corner. A weird mixture of sensation between relief and worry rushed through me.

"... Baby..." I heard her whisper.

I immediately thought of the newborn, and asked the doctor if we could bring her in. The doctor nodded and asked one of the nurses to do so.

Few minutes later, the nurse came in rolling a baby-cart with my child in it. But before I could reach for it, the doctor grabbed my arm and pulled me outside, causing our family and friends to gather around us in surprise.

"What's wrong, doctor?" I asked perplexed.

He took a deep breath before talking. "Your wife doesn't have much time. She's suddenly too excited and won't hold it any longer," he said with a grim face.

I was taken aback. "But... but, she just woke up!"

"I know, Mr. Tsuchiura. But it will only last a couple of minutes. She's already too weak. Her pulse and heartbeat have dropped tremendously,"

I felt all my hopes vanishing and my knees went weak. I heard my mother-in-law howled and screamed Kahoko's name. My mother was crying, and so was my sister. Our friends either bit their lips to contain the tears, or let them freely fall.

"I'm terribly sorry, Mr. Tsuchiura. There is really nothing I can do anymore," the doctor continued sadly, then bowed in front of me.

I walked slowly to Kahoko's room, and saw her eyes closed again. My mind was blank. I couldn't believe I only had some minutes left with her.

I rolled the cart to her bedside. The baby was sleeping soundly. So tiny, so innocent.

"Kaho?" I called out.

Kahoko opened her eyes slowly and smiled weakly as she saw me. I smiled back, although I felt chocked.

I lifted our baby gently, then sat beside her on her bed. "Wanna see her?" I asked.

She nodded slowly. So I carefully positioned the baby in her arms and helped holding her.

"Pretty," she said smiling, touching the baby's tiny features. And I saw a tear falling to her cheek. I so wanted to cry too. I wanted to tell her everything will be alright, but I just couldn't. I only watched her.

"Like a pink rose," she continued weakly. "Rosa"

"Rosa? I like that name. Tsuchiura Rosa, then," I said proudly with a grin. She indeed looked like a pink rose, Kahoko's favorite flower.

Kahoko raised a hand to touch my cheek. I looked at her. She was looking back at me with loving eyes.

"I love you, Ryou," she whispered weakly.

I couldn't take it anymore. I let my tear fall freely, then leaned forward to hold her. If maybe for the last time.

"I love you too, Kaho. I always will," I chocked.

I kissed her forehead, her cheeks, her eyes, her lips. And she weakly kissed me back. I wanted to memorize her features in my mind.

I saw her smile weakly for the last time and whispered an almost inaudible _I love you_, before finally closing her eyes for eternity. I heard a long beep from the machines. A nurse secured the baby from our arms and the doctor took her wrist to check her pulse, and he shook his head afterwards. Kahoko was gone. Forever.

I didn't realize that everybody have entered the room and gathered around the bed. Kahoko's mother passed out, out of shock and despair. The rest were clearly crying around us.

I grabbed Kahoko's body and held her close to me, not wanting to let her go, while calling her name over and over again between sobs.

* * *

I wiped my tears away. The memory of the last moments with my wife came rolling to my head. Everything could be seen so clearly, as if it had happened just yesterday.

I cleaned Kahoko's grave, put the flowers on it and knelt, praying.

Not a second had Kahoko left me. She's always inside my heart, in every step I made. And looking at Rosa reminded me a lot of Kahoko. For me, she's definitely not gone.

I opened my eyes as I heard baby voice. I reached to the stroller, and saw that my child has woken up. I smiled at her.

"Rosa-chan. We're here at mommy's" I said to her, then lifted her out. She laughed.

I held Rosa in my arms and knelt before the gravestone again.

"Look, Kaho. Rosa-chan is growing strong. She turned one today. You know, she learned to walk last month. She's practically running around the house now." I said laughing.

Suddenly a gust of wind blew against my face. It felt... weird. It was like Kaho was standing there in front of me and caressing my face.

"Mama..." I heard Rosa say. She was watching the gravestone attentively.

_Mama?_ I thought. I've never heard her say it before. Could it be that she felt Kahoko's presence just now too?

I looked at the gravestone and smiled. "Did you hear that, Kaho? She's happy to see you. I am, too"

After a while, I stood and sat Rosa on the stroller again. Then I went to rub Kahoko's gravestone.

"I love you, Kaho," I whispered.

As I went to the stroller, ready to go back, I turned my head toward Kahoko's grave again.

"Oyasumi," I whispered again.

* * *

**A/N:** How was it? How many people did I catch crying? I did choke while writing. Don't ask how or why...

BTW, for those waiting for the continuation of Violation, it's coming soon in the next days. Don't worry, I didn't forget. It's just troublesome without internet, geez... ^^

Anywaaaayyy... please leave a review too. Will be very much appreciated. And thank you for reading again =)


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